insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
