Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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