Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
