I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
