ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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