Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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