he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Someone shit on the floor
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
