I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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