the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
