Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
