bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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