Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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