Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
