I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
