Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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