Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The struggles of a small town man whore
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
