meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
