Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
