I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
