I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
