im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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