My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize