If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
