My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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