Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
