Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
