So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Randomize
