Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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