I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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