So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
