Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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