on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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