He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
