She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
