apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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