Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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