I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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