Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
