im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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