at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
