they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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