It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
