I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
