Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
