I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
