he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
