I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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