end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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