we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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