how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
