This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
