Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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