They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize