found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
