Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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