in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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