I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
