i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
