i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
