"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
