why didn't you poke me back
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
