Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You pole danced in your parka.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
