life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
