there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
