96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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