I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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