just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just found a bag of teeth...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
