I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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