Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
