she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
