Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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