I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
