What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
